Oh my goodness. “A Year With Frog & Toad” is finally over.

I may just cry with delight!

It was a wonderful show. It really was. And I think if I’d actually been performing in it, I would have been a bit more put out to see it end. But performing this show something like 14 times…and having to do as much as I did backstage during it. Whew! It has actually been one of the most exhausting shows I have ever been a part of. Throughout the entire show, I think I had about five minutes total where I wasn’t running back and forth grabbing props or costume pieces or setting things in place.

Bless Iori. I am so glad I got to be his dresser. He made it all worth it in the end. Even last night when I was a million miles away in thought and completely missed one of my changes, he was smiling and laughing and thanking me for all of my hard work. He’s such a sweet guy. So funny too! I’m glad for the opportunity I’ve had to work with him.

I talked with Jacob for some time on the phone last night. And it was a conversation that I found myself desperately needing. It put a few things into perspective for me and calmed thoughts that I didn’t even realize were still running rampant. It was alot of stuff that I already knew in my head…but hadn’t quite accepted just yet in my heart. But I think I’m steadily beginning to find a bit more closure over the whole situation.

…and I just realized how amazingly vague the above paragraph sounds… I don’t really mean for it to be – but it’s touching on a very personal and still-sore issue. You may question then why I even bother to write about it here if I don’t plan to explain myself. Well, truth is, though I write in my LiveJournal realizing that I potentially have an audience…I also write it mostly for my own therapy and so I can look back anon and see when certain events took place and what my thoughts were on them then. I will become vague at times when it is matters that are just a little too private to publicly broadcast. I’m sure my occasional readers understand this.

During my conversation with Jacob, we naturally got to talking about “Veronica’s Room” again. He admitted to me he had something that he needed to bring up, and that I just needed to listen to him and take it in.

I could tell by his tone this couldn’t be anything good.

I said “Okay…”.

He then proceeded to inform me that Brent would be also be auditioning for the leading male role in V’s Room.

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.

“No!… I can’t do it then! There’s no way.”

Jacob politely told me to shut up and just listen. He let me know that he’d already taken steps on running interference. First, apparently Brent will be auditioning on Tuesday, as opposed to the normal Monday night audition that I will be at. This is good – it keeps us from having to go through the pains of meeting up and possibly being asked to read together. Second, Jacob let me know he’d already spoken with Mike McKee (the director) and that he’d made him aware of the situation. He told him that if he wound up casting Brent in the lead role, then he couldn’t cast me – and that was just the end of that.

I completely loathed the fact that such a conversation had to take place…but at the same time, I don’t believe I’ve ever been more grateful to anyone for looking out for me.

There’s very, very little that could happen right now to hurt Brent & I more than if we were to be placed on a stage together in the “lover” roles. I know I would have an incredibly hard time dealing with that…and I wouldn’t wish it for him by any means.

Besides, I have it in my head now that Jacob is in that role (knock on wood). I don’t want anyone else to have that role. Whether I get in or not is fully irrelevant – Jacob needs and fully deserves this role. It will be a genuine break in his career.

And if I am to get this role…I am going to need someone I can really, truly trust.